Premier Specialty Network

Ladies have the tendency to over-expect and only end up feeling frustrated. To prevent this, have a plan, figure out what you are looking for, set the pace, know your partner and spend quality time with one another.

Relationships may be nurturing and amazing, but they can also be destructive and complicated. Hopefully these tips will help you gain a better understanding of your significant other.

Have a plan

When it comes to relationship advice for women, nothing beats having a good plan in mind beforehand. Like everything else, entering a romantic relationship with your eyes wide open will get you prepared for the challenges that could show up on the way. If you are out and searching to know more people, a bar or jazz lounge may be a great place to be in, loosen up and simply have fun. Alternatively, if ever you have fixed your thoughts on settling down and having a family, its a good option to avoid bars and instead sign up for hobby groups to get to know another person with common interests. Coming prepared will not always mean that all the pieces will be smooth the minute youve made up your mind, rather, it means that you have a rough idea of how the relationship ought to be in the near and distant future.

Know what you are looking for

Being aware of what you are looking for is important so you wont end up fishing around for frustration. Its understandable that every girl has an ideal man in mind, but as you change, your idealized person becomes different as maturity and time sets in. However, having this idea of a dream guy will help you narrow down your requirements for a significant other. Romantic relationships work both ways, and both sides must agree that their concerns and aims in life go in the same direction. Thinking up standards does not suggest that you discard every guy that does not fall under your requirements; it simply suggests that you must not keep dating the people not right for you.

Establish the pace

The idiom easy come, easy go is applicable. When you finally go into a relationship, you have to set up how the relationship should progress. Pick a pace that matches into your present state of mind and lifestyle. Going too fast is usually not advisable, though having a pace that is too slow might suggest youre not fully invested in the relationship and this, in turn, may bother your partner. For this reason, you need to first establish a pace that is secure for your significant other as well as yourself and work with that.

Get insights on your partner

Being in a relationship, youre bound to stumble into fights and also petty arguments. The only method to handle these is not to avoid them, but to try and see issues from your second halfs point of view. If he is moody after work, it may be because hes had a hard day at work rather than because he does not want to be with you. You can be surprised how far a little understanding can enhance the problems you come across.

Spend quality time with each other

Among the main points of engaging in a relationship is to spend quality time with your significant other. Make it a point to invest time outside your busy schedules to enjoy time with one another. It might be something everyday and mundane such as enjoying films at your place or preparing him a special meal one day. For people with youngsters, get someone to watch them for a number of hours as you enjoy some time alone with your husband or special someone.

Stepping into a relationship ought to be a splendid decision. Theres no need to fret over the small stuff and miss the big picture.

Incoming search terms:

• relationship tips
• advice on realtionships
• How invest in romantic relationships with a man
• idealize romantic partner
• pace at which relationship should progress
• relationship tips women

It’s become more important than ever to “engage, educate and empower” teens at a young age, when they are just beginning to get into romantic relationships, organizers say.

Because of “sexting” and online chat, digital abuse has really exploded, according to the department’s Alternatives to Domestic Violence Division. One out of every four teenaged girls suffers some form of dating abuse in her teen years.

And it isn’t just manhandling, choking and beating: There’s emotional abuse, including threats, insults, intimidation, and stalking, as well as forcing a partner into unwanted sex.

It all stems from how teens view themselves. Girls may want independence from their parents, or have skewed views of love – particularly if they’ve been in an abusive household. They could feel pressured into sexual relationships before theyre ready.

Boys could suffer the same influences. They may feel they need to control their girlfriends, force intimacy or become physically abusive to prove their masculinity.

Girls might blame themselves, consider their boyfriends’ behavior as love or think it’s simply the norm. They could be afraid to seek help – or even clarity. Neither may realize it’s wrong.

The University of North Dakotas Theatre Arts department is currently showing the Tony Award-nominated play Time Stands Still by Donald Margulies.

The play, which is set in modern times, focuses on the effects of war, and specifically the Iraqi war, on romantic relationships. Different lovers and emotional turmoil contribute to the plot.

Ali Angelone directs the play, which stars Emily Elisabeth as Sarah Goodwin, a photojournalist who was injured in a roadside bomb while covering the Iraq war. Emilys boyfriend James Dodd (Nick McConnell) returned to Iraq to bring Sarah home after the bombing. While recovering in their home, their friend Richard Ehrlich (Jordan Wolfe), a photo editor, pays them a visit. Ehrlich introduces Goodwin and Dodd to his new younger girlfriend, Mandy Bloom (Daniella Lima).

As the plot develops and Dodd sees how quickly Ehrlich and Blooms relationship progresses, Dodd decides that he wants to marry his girlfriend of more than eight years. Goodwin has doubts about this type of commitment but decides to go along with it; however, the events of Goodwins time in Iraq prove to be a burden in their relationship. Eventually, the journalists flashbacks of her work and time in Iraq cause her to question whether she is capable of feeling emotion strongly enough to even consider marriage anymore.

At one point she claimed, I built my life off the suffering of strangers.

At this point, Dodd has decided that he is ready for a normal life and maybe even children. He claims that he is finally comfortable. In a plea to get Goodwin to stay with him, he says, This stuff goes on whether were there or not. There will always be another reason to put our lives on hold.

Eventually, Goodwin is left to make the difficult decision of what she needs more, her partner or the adrenaline rush her work provides her with.

Emily Elisabeth is a senior majoring in both Vocal Performance and Theatre Arts. She has been in a total of nine plays, seven dramas and two musicals.

This was by far my most intense role, Elisabeth said. It was difficult trying to make my character likeable.

One unique costume effect of Elisabeths character is the scarring on her face and arm that she received from shrapnel in the roadside bombing.

Some of them are temporary tattoos and some of them are just stage make-up, Elisabeth said.

These are the work of Stephanie Rosenthal, the costume, make-up and hair designer.

Brad Reissig is the scenic and lighting designer and Loren J. Liepold is the technical director and sound designer.

Several audience members commented on the high level of emotion displayed by the actors. One said, Their facial expressions are so believable, like they really care.

Another audience member said, The play was very well done. The characters were effective at getting their objectives across. Their tactics provided a good portrayal of the emotions of the characters. For example, I could tell that Sarah was a strong-willed person.

Remaining shows are in the Burtness Lab Theatre tonight and tomorrow night at 7:30 p.m. Student tickets are $5. For more information, contact the Burtness Box Office at 701-777-2587. The Theatre Arts 2011/2012 season will continue with the musical Assassins beginning Nov. 15-19.

Relationships Can Be Found at Any Age According to Dating Site, Soamoro
Romantic Relationships know no age according to recent findings from Soamoro, the free dating website. Since launching, membership amongst seniors looking for love in their twilight years has skyrocketed.

Over the past few decades, linguists have shown that, when it comes to speech, many gender stereotypes hold remarkably true: Men tend to speak loudly, while women whisper; men talk over each other, while women conspire behind each others backs; men hold back their feelings, while women lay them out to strangers they meet on the subway. According to some critics, these differences are merely a reflection of our cultural presuppositions about gender. But, according to a new book, theres a far simpler reason for these linguistic differences: biology.

In Duels and Duets, John L. Locke, a professor of linguistics at Lehman College and the author of Eavesdropping: An Intimate History, argues that men and women have radically different ways of speaking not because of their upbringing, but because they have radically different evolutionary needs. Men, he argues, use antagonistic speech, or duels, to show off their strength and prove themselves to women. Women, meanwhile, use quieter speech patterns to bond with each other and help protect themselves against aggressive men. And, according to Locke, this is a pattern that has been going on for thousands and thousands of years.

Salon spoke with Locke over the phone about sexual stereotypes, the Real Housewives franchise and the future of speech in the digital age.

So what are the differences between male and female speech?

Women are likely to look for common ground when they are talking with other women and tend to produce overlapping remarks in conversations. Those were initially misdiagnosed as interruptions, but it turns out that women tend to like to help each other tell stories some people have called it coauthoring. They tend to have a rather animated and lively way of talking, with very pronounced variations in vocal pitch and much more exchange of emotion in speech. The connective tissue in women’s groups is the divulging of personal and sometimes intimate information about the life and the relationships of the speaker and other people. Thats a trademark of the way women talk with female friends.

The word gossip has a pejorative sound to it, but with it, women are, in a sense, servicing the moral code of the community. One study of gossip showed that gossipers were concerned about women who are bad housekeepers, and women who are bad mothers, and women who are promiscuous. Those things are all threats to each woman in a community; therefore they have every good reason to want to talk about those things. But men speak very differently from women.

Yes, you argue that men are constantly sniping at each other in tiny ways. You call this dueling.

There are a number of criteria: It’s symbolic, playful, stylized. In its purest form, it looks quite a lot like a performance. But the disposition to duel sort of seeps into everyday speech too like if two guys, for example, come up to each other, and one of them says, “Hey, you old son of a bitch. How the hell are ya?” and maybe insults him a little bit about his bulging midriff, or his thinning hair, or some weird shirt that he is wearing. Women would simply never, never, never do that. They might later privately tell someone, “Hasn’t she aged terribly?” They would never say to her face, “Well, look at the wrinkles on your face” or, “My God! I’ve never seen bulging breasts like those before,” and so forth.

At one point you use the term verbal plumage, to describe this dueling dynamic, because its partly meant to seduce women.

Both men and women need to know if men are dominant or subordinate. Men need to know because they are very hierarchical in their organization. Women also need to know that, too, because dominant men, or high-status men, have unusually good access to everything women want. Its recently been discovered that a very rich repository of information is carried by the speaking voice of individual men, and women are particularly good at picking this up. Women love to hear men who have low speaking voices, because its correlated with testosterone levels, and those men tend to be more assertive. I don’t think women want men that are aggressive, but they want men that’ll stick up for themselves and bring home the bacon. They especially love a low voice when theyre at the portion of their menstrual cycle when their estrogen is highest.

Ive actually read somewhere that men who speak in a monotone are also more attractive to women than men who dont.

By using unusual words or rare words or words in a creative way, men can give everyone, including women, the impression theyre intelligent. If you ask women what they want in a long-term mate they list intelligence at the top of the list, and one of the best ways for them to see if that man is smart is to listen to him talk. Its almost like a folk IQ test. Words used in a clever way are almost like the colorful feathers of a peacock a display of what biologists would call fitness information that relates to their ability to reproduce.

So whats the biological explanation for the low-key, cooperative form of speaking to ascribe to women or dueting, as you call it?

If you are smaller, and less powerful, and weakened or compromised by pregnancy or infant-care responsibilities, then you do not want to portray yourself as a strong autonomous individual that is going to individually fight off anybody who proposes problems. Even in the other primates, where there is a female-male size disparity, females dont confront males individually, but a group of females will chase males away. Primates also use reciprocal grooming as a favor and a form of respect. I dont say that intimate disclosures by women are equivalent to manual grooming in the primates, but in a sense theyre similar.

When women are dueting and trading in intimate disclosures about themselves and their friends, theyre fortifying a relationship. If you disclose secrets, they could harm you if theyre distributed, especially to foes or rivals. So dueting tends to be reciprocal. If one woman tells a friend about her worries or fears or intimate life, then the woman knows she needs to reply in kind.

Isnt this projecting modern, stereotypical gender roles onto people?

This is about sex. Its not about gender. Weve seen that girls who have a larger than normal amount of testosterone are more likely to be aggressive. Well, thats not because theyre treated in such a way as to make them aggressive, and its not because their parents are more aggressive than other parents. Its because they have something within them that is making them aggressive. We all know about boys that grow up in fatherless homes. Thats a large percentage of young people nowadays. We dont identify them by the fact that they talk like girls. In fact, they tend to be more strongly masculine than the little boys that have a father.

Its been about 6 million years since humans broke off from the other primates, and males are still far more aggressive than the females. Six million years is a long time for something to stay in a species if its not being sustained by anything. In other words, these differences are not purely arbitrary.

I feel like Im always seeing women getting into arguments. Two days ago, I saw two older women screaming and swinging canes at each other on the subway. The entire Real Housewives franchise seems predicated on this kind of fighting. Isnt that dueling?

I dont watch that program, but when you said screaming, thats a real clue. When women do that, they are almost invariably angry. And there is a reason. If a woman has done something to cause another woman anger or hurt, shell scream or yell at them stridently. Its a targeted form of opposition thats designed to cause that individual to back off or to change their behavior in some ways. Anthropologists call it conflict talk. But dueling is done between friends, using insults in a joking or ritualistic way in the same way that two dogs will bite the other as a form of playing. This is a critical difference, because men are trying to accomplish what their ancestors would have done by direct fighting only without bloodshed. Humor is critical to this. You could argue that one of the reasons humor evolved is to keep men from becoming violent.

You say we should embrace the differences in the ways we talk. Why?

We are the way we are. Its not to say we cant change, or cant be more respectful of others, or that we cant harmonize our interests in others. But I dont see the point in telling everyone their natural dispositions make them a bad person. I think that men and women need to learn to get along, I think the best way to do that is to start by recognizing the ways we naturally differ.

As you point out in the book, one of the places these speech differences come to a head is in romantic relationships. But what about gay relationships? I think that Im actually both a dueter and dueler depending on the context.

Thats certainly an area to be looked at. I dont think testosterone is the only variable necessarily, and I also noticed that in my own life, I have very duelly moments and more duetish moments, and Im not one thing all the time. I think sometimes elements of dueling and elements of dueting are present in the same person.

Over the last decade, texting seems to have overtaken speech as a form of conversation. The new iPhone even allows you to automatically turn your voice messages into texts. How do you think this will change this dynamic between the sexes?

I wrote a book in 1998 about this sort of thing, called The Devoicing of Society, but frankly, I dont know. When email first started, a technical report was published called Flaming and Shaming about the use and misuse of electronic communication. They did a survey looking at the percentage of respondents who had said that email had indirectly led them to terminate a relationship. They pointed out that sometimes somebody sends an email to another person without knowing them very well. With email youre left without background information, tone of voice, a face, so the words stand out nakedly on the screen. And email is almost a duelly medium because emails are not usually conversational theyre more like bullet points. Also, I think theres a much stronger impact of speech upon print than print upon speech.

HIGH POINT, NC, Oct. 14, 2011 – Dr. Sadie Leder, assistant professor of psychology and assistant director of High Point Universitys Survey Research Center, was named a staff writer for an online magazine on the psychological study of close relationships, called Science of Relationships.

The aim of the Science of Relationships website is to present prominent research findings from the fields of psychology, sociology, communication and evolutionary biology in a format that is engaging and fun for all readers. Writers for the website are relationship experts who have received doctorate degrees and are active researchers in the field of relationships science.

As a writer for the site, Leder has published a number of articles, including The Attractiveness Stereotype and Barneys Crazy-Hot Scale, A Little Too Good to Be True: Deceptive Tactics in Dating, and Redbox and the Most Romantic City in the United States.

Leder instructs a class at HPU called Close Relationships, which considers a humans need for love compared to their fear of rejection, and a first year seminar titled Love and Hate in Cyberspace, which takes a close look at the trend of online dating. Both classes require students to consider complex psychological phenomena as well as read and discuss research findings in national journals. Supplementing these courses with articles from the Science of Relationships website helps make theories more relevant and relatable to students, says Leder.

I feel fortunate to be able to showcase not only my own research, but prominent findings within the field of close relationship in such a unique and significant forum. This site makes it possible to share our work with a much larger audience, challenging them to critically consider relationship science as it applies to their own lives, says Leder. People are inundated with opinion-based relationship advice from the internet, books and television. This site acts as a rebuttal, basing all information on scholarly work and empirical findings, but in a very straightforward and entertaining fashion.

The articles published by Science of Relationships receive international coverage. Leders recent post, Aww Sookie, Sookie, Now! True (Blood) Love from a Gain-Loss Perspective became a readers favorite after receiving more than 1,000 views during the first day of its release. Dr. Leders articles can be read by visiting http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/.

At High Point University, every student receives an extraordinary education in an inspiring environment with caring people. HPU, located in the Piedmont Triad region of North Carolina, is a liberal arts institution with over 4,200 undergraduate and graduate students from 51 countries and 46 states at campuses in High Point and Winston-Salem. It is ranked by US News and World Report at No. 3 among Regional Colleges in the South. Forbes.com ranks HPU in the top 7 percent among Americas Best Colleges. Parade Magazine lists HPU in the top 25 private schools in the nation. HPU was selected in the 2010-2011 list of Colleges of Distinction, as well as one of the top green schools in the country by the Sierra Club. The university offers 50 undergraduate majors, 43 undergraduate minors and 10 graduate degree programs. It is accredited by the Commission of Colleges of the Southern Association of Colleges and Schools, and is a member of the NCAA, Division I and the Big South Conference. Visit High Point University on the Web at highpoint.edu.

Anthropologists take note: This music video from the freshly minted boyband Heart2Heart will likely be cited as the watershed moment when our society embraced the concept of making romantic relationships public by declaring them Facebook official. Either that or this is a pitch-perfect (autotuned?) parody from former N Sync member Lance Bass, who is listed as the bands mentor.

In their analysis of this puzzling piece of music, Bilboard notes that the group is managed by Nick Reed who apparently has a history of producing musical parodies. Perhaps that is the smoking gun, but Id be willing to go either way on this one. Regardless, their official website is a veritable font of hilarity. Be sure to read through the bands bios which lists the roles for each member, including: Leader, swag general, lead rapper, and youngest. Because thats apparently a job now.

(via Viral Viral Videos)

Relevant to your interests

• Its Friday. Wait, no it isnt
• This is Friday. No, wait
• Ok, THIS is Friday

My Heroin… I mean, My Hero? 

#13;

Yoga and meditation dont make me happy. If Im lucky, they make me laugh. At myself. Often times they make me feel like crap. For years they really made me feel like crap. And now I crave them both like heroin. And they’re both really really good for me. And neither make me happy.

#13;

Enlightenment in the Rain 

#13;

On Saturday my fabulous acupuncture friend and I went hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Halfway through the hike we were damp, yet thrilled and joking about how wimpy we’d become since those early days in the Pacific Northwest. 

#13;

We discussed various girly topics ranging from the nature of romantic relationships to meditation. Both romance and meditation are utterly related to each other in our circle of women. I relayed the lamentations of another girlfriend who was struggling in her relationship, and the advice I gave her: try more yoga and meditation.

#13;

Why? Even though yoga and medidation can make all three of us feel like crap, we all know the answer lies with calming the mind and the body. 

#13;

Reality Just Is 

#13;

It’s never easy to look at the emotions I’m used to stuffing. I once diligently and unconsciously hid my emotions deep in my muscles, and yoga and meditation caused all that nastiness to resurface.

#13;

I learned this: I can’t run. I can’t hide. I gotta face reality. Why face reality? Because if I ignore it, it bites me right in the meditation cushion. Because reality exists whether I face it or not.

#13;

Breathing Will Help 

#13;

My freaking awesome teacher, Max Strom, is a total breath guy. He loves talking about how all that deep breathing causes emotions to rise to the surface. Ive been following him around for over six years and believe me, hes on to something. Hes even got a book. His latest newsletter provided great insight: 

#13;

#13;

When your emotions are submerged, you feel them, but sometimes cannot understand or articulate them clearly, they can be almost unidentifiable. Through conscious breath work, the emotions are then lifted above the horizon, so to speak.   Once they are lifted up above the horizon, you can see them clearly and begin to understand and put them into context. When this happens you cease to be afraid of them. Once unafraid, you can begin to heal. Once you heal, then you become a more integrated as a whole person and your relationships become healthier and more vital. 

#13;

#13;

Notice he didn’t say you’d be happier. Healthier, but not happier. Okay, happier sometimes, but not all the time. Expect to feel like crap sometimes. And if youve been stuffing the crap, then expect to feel a lot like crap until you work through it. But you will. Eventually. Yoga. Meditation. Crap. Just pay attention to it.

–>

Gone are the days when populations were small, with people clustering in little towns and villages, and moving around for short distances. In the past almost everything revolved around each person?s home and family members, plus a few nearby friends. Today things have changed drastically and dramatically. We are scattered all over the place, and have spread ourselves all over the globe! Urban sprawls keep proliferating as we aggregate in bigger cities and larger communities where the atmosphere is rife and ripe for our economic pursuits, modernization orientation, wider doors of opportunities, and technological taste. Human dispersion is now more common with people from developing and underdeveloped countries more than folk from the developed world who in the past spread more around the world as missionaries and explorers. It appears that the majority of ?modern explorers? are now from the less developed world, who are ?discovering? the developed world. People from less rich nations are travelling in large numbers to seek for green grass in richer and more developed nations of the world.

Technology by way of online dating and telephone or e-mail dating communications have promoted long distance courtships and marriages to large extents, and even encouraged people to employ the help of friends and family members who act as ?surrogates? to assist them in selecting partners for proxy courtships before the partners finally see each other physically. Whether one partner has traveled abroad or to another location in the same country, any form of separation of lovers for long periods of time is not a very pleasant and fulfilling experience. I was a student for one year in the Netherlands followed by another academic term in Scotland, and in all cases my wife was left back home without being by my side. Granting that you fervently love each other as husband and wife, I can testify that it is not the best experience that I will recommend to anyone unless there is no other option that could replace the necessity of the months of separation, typically when the romance is burning hot in a new marriage.

TESTIMONIES OF ABANDONED AND DISTRESSED PARTNERS

The problems and challenges of long distance relationships, which were not originally planned for, have become gigantic challenges for men and women in our generation, and created an intense atmosphere of loneliness, and an unparalleled tendency for partners to be frustrated and unfaithful. The hunger for love, conversation, companionship, adequate communication on issues, care, support, and romance, plus sexual starvation, have driven many men and women (in particular) into unclean acts of fornication and adultery, and irresponsible acts of marital unfaithfulness, and also produced unfaithfulness in commitments to serious dating and courtship of many single people. The long-distance separation cancer has already eaten deep into the marriage and family fabric of our societies, and taken a huge toll on marriages, families, and relationship, and has consequently succeeded in breaking down many marriages, families and homes, torn apart courting mates and their beloved fiancées, and painfully shattered otherwise sweet relationships that had a tremendously bright future.

Here are just a few examples of some of the heart-rending complaints and appeals I have received from people (especially women):

#61558; ?Please advise me as to what I can do now. My husband left me and our two children to work for a short time overseas and return, but 17 years have passed, and he shows no signs of returning. I am not able to join him either.?

#61558; ?I need your help. My fiancée left me to work in a city overseas 7 years ago. He still says she wants to marry me, but is not making me know what plans he is actively making for our engagement (or customary marriage) and blessing of the marriage after that. He does not want to return anytime soon, and he is not making concrete plans for me to join him. When I ask him about it, he keeps giving me the excuse that he wants to be sure his immigration papers are in good shape before performing the customary rites to marry me traditionally, and later bless the marriage. Please what do you suggest I should do??

#61558; ?Our father left our mother and us (the children) several years ago to another country. He does not call or write to us anymore. We hear rumors that he has married a lady in that country. Please could you find a way of contacting him for us??

#61558; ?My lady fiancée that I love so much left for Europe to visit for some months, prepare for our marriage, and return for us to marry and live happily together. After a while I heard rumors that she was flirting with another man. She would not tell me the exact truth, but I realized the changes in her telephone communication. After a while she told me she was no more interested in our relationship. My heart was broken. She got pregnant with that new boyfriend, who later abandoned her. Now she cries and pleads with me on phone that she is sorry, and wants to return and marry me. Should I accept her back??

#61558; ?Please I need your help. After my husband left me for Europe, I found myself in the arms of my former boyfriend again, in serious adultery with him. I know it is terribly bad, but I am emotionally and mentally caught in it and cannot stop. What disturbs me most is that my innocent husband who does not know what is going on, is still so faithful, very supportive, very romantic towards me, and very caring. The stupid thing I find myself also doing is that I use some of the money that my husband sends to me, to provide the needs of my adulterous old boyfriend. I am still a Christian who actively goes to church, and have my daily devotion with God. Please help me. I feel bound in sin.?

#61558; My fiancée left for Europe to look for better opportunities that will enable us to settle down in a good marriage. I went over for us to bless our marriage there but could not stay for a long time and had to return to my country in Africa because I did not possess the right papers to do so. I tried to obtain the visa to join her but had no success. She was unwilling to return home for us to plan our lives together, and began to accuse me of messing up with her original dreams of living abroad for some years even before we married. Every conversation began to turn into disrespectful insults, accusations and arguments. Our communication started to dwindle down until rapport broke down and virtually burned to ashes. Before I knew it, she was pregnant with another man whom she decided to live together with, whom she calls her new husband, while our marriage had not been dissolved. The ultimate tragedy I dreaded had to occur —- steps for divorce, with no possible earthly chance of reconciliation.

BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS

The stories of people who have traveled overseas or to distant localities in the same country and broken the love relationships with their fiancées and married other people are now too alarming, and constitute huge challenges in the present century! Many women in particular are walking around in developing nations (and in some developed ones too) with deep hurts and wounds they are still nursing from emotional and mental damages from their estranged lovers. It is even more devastating when the women were left at an early age, and have waited for some years for the fulfillment of their marital dreams to no avail, and some have now passed the age when they could get younger men to marry them. Some ladies have waited until they have now reached their menopause! Many children have grown up without any fatherly (and sometimes motherly) love and training. Both sexes are guilty, but men in particular have done a lot of such damage to women. Some women have also deceived and disappointed their men, by running away from them to marry or flirt with other men after the men managed to get them overseas to join them, mainly because of money, worldly goods, fame, immigration papers, bad temper and disrespectful female character, and pleasure. Some men have likewise done the same harm to women who toiled to get them overseas for the marriage and family life of their dreams. All of us need to repent, resolve, and make firm commitments to be honest with our marriages and romantic relationships, and educate ourselves to prevent and solve the problems we have accumulated (and still creating) to our detriment and possible demise.

PARTNERS WITH POOR COMMITMENT AND IMPURE LIFESTYLES IN MARRIAGES AND ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

There are several others (mainly wives) whose husbands have decided to reside overseas with no immediate plans to return to their motherland. It is interesting that some spouses in developing countries consider it a great pride to have the mate (usually husband) being in another developed country, and brags with the money and materials the spouse sends home. The man visits the woman and the children from overseas for about 2 weeks to one or two months, and does so once a year, every other year, or even once in 3-5 years. Some become separated several miles apart in the same country, and see each other once or twice a month, or even once in several weeks or even months depending on the distance and extent of commitment, cost of travel, or job responsibilities. They ignore the warning signs of a failing marriage or courtship until their differences and conflicts accumulate into barriers that divide them. Consequently, the fire dies in their fellowship, tension mounts as every conversation turns into a fight, then they finally grow apart and carelessly destroy the entire relationship. A few women who have their own irresponsible past lifestyles before marrying, or who are ignorant about what real marriage and family life ought to be, and do not therefore care about such a distant and very weak relationship. But, this kind of delinquent lifestyle of living your own selfish kind of life and using a partner for your needs as you please, is a huge problem and a challenge for the majority of women in particular who console themselves with the children they have, and the money plus material resources that the man sends to them from his location.

We have to admit, however, that this kind of estranged relationship is really no marriage at all! The negative mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical impacts on the children that typically affect their maturity and character, plus the emotional and physical plus social and spiritual blessings that the couple are missing, are too enormous to calculate.

Naturally, men are like gas stoves (that easily ignites) so far as sex is concerned, although a number of women also become sex addicts especially after immoral practices. All of us know that women can stay for very long periods without engaging in sex, but many men cannot control themselves and endure that way. Nagging question: How many men (as well as some women) can endure such long separation and still keep their sexual sanity and purity without adultery, pornography, prostitution, lewd movies, drinking, drugs, strip clubs, lies, uncaring attitude, abandonment, and loose lifestyles? Some people who are scared of prevailing diseases resort to the application of artificial sex toys and masturbation for carnal satisfaction without any consideration for the inevitable defilement that accompanies such impure acts, plus loss of focus and loss of the productive meaning of sexual satisfaction. They do not also consider the violation of God?s rules for holy living and the spiritual plus eternal consequences that will confront them after death.

At the end of their lives, they would know (before their departure) the incalculable harm they would have inflicted on their partners and on themselves, and the great damage they would have done to their families.

YOUR MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP COMES FIRST. MAKE REASONABLE AND PRACTICAL MUTUAL CONCRETE PLANS BEFORE TRAVELING

The couple or the man and his fiancée should engage in serious discussions to unite and agree firmly on plans for their marriage or relationship, and not just simply travel and take up appointments in other countries or far-away cities to satisfy only their personal interests and simply focus on pursuing their personal ambitions. One major issue is that of immigration papers (visa and any necessary documentation) required for any person to reside in a particular foreign land, and for the spouse or fiancée to be able to join the partner. Some people who have travelled in the past do not disclose the whole truth and give the full or true picture to those desiring to travel. Many aspiring immigrants have later found out that it is often tougher and more complicated than they thought things were going to be, and the frustrations are enormous. Some people pass through the legal means to obtain or prolong their stay overseas, but all of us know about the bizarre stories that are concocted, and unplanned foreign marriage alliances of all kinds that are often resorted to and forged to obtain permits to work and to prevent any imminent return to the homeland according to the existing laws.

In the processes of working out the complexities of all these, tragic marital unfaithfulness, breaking of promises, and sudden turn of events worsen an already fragile and rocky relationship resulting from the long separation. Some people have all the required papers or means for the partner to come over, but they get caught up in the tentacles of misguided friends or their own extended family distractions, selfish pursuits, and typically immoral relationships that quench their first love and draw their minds and hearts away from the original commitment they made to their partners. Some people do not originally intend to stay for a long period, but when the tantalizing glamour of worldly goods and the vast array of opportunities for achievements begin to sweeten the heart and weld themselves into the mind, the focus and priorities can gradually shift for the lonely spouse to become less important back home. The usual argument and excuse is: ?I need some time to prepare and equip myself properly before I return home, and I am doing all these in the interest of all of us.? The frustration and often anger and anxiety finally give way to the erosion of love, trust, faith, hope, and any desire to continue in the courtship or marriage.

There have been heart-rending instances where some spouses have either ended up living together and even having babies with women or men whose help they sought to stay in the city where they are working in the same country or overseas, and have callously told the partner: ?Well, since I have tried every means and cannot help you to come over and join me, I suggest that you find someone else to marry back at home if it still bothers you, and if you will continue to pester my life with this issue.? Some people even callously cut off all communications permanently, change their phone numbers and e-mail address, move to another location, and wickedly leave the spouse in limbo. Both men and women are guilty of all these, but the habit or frequency is more with men who leave the women and go for other ladies where they reside away from home in their native country or in another country. Some spouses or fiancées can diabolically communicate in deceptive ways to keep the other partner in suspense for years and waste his or her time. In many instances, one partner (typically the woman) is compelled by the loneliness and frustrations, or attacked by the devil in the mind, to be lured by someone else into another romantic affair that ends up in the abrogation of the old original relationship or marriage for the substitution of the new one. This is often fueled by poor communication and verbal abuse or constant argument and tension on phone and in e-mails or text messages between the two people, which is worsened by pressure from family members and misguided friends who negatively influence the fiancée or spouse to forget about the partner and go for a better one.

SUGGESTIONS THAT COULD HELP YOU TO PLAN YOUR TEMPORARY SEPARATION

Here are a few of the many suggestions you could consider before you travel to another locality in the same country or outside your country away from your fiancée or spouse:

1) Both of you must take some time to examine your minds and hearts to ensure that you sincerely love each other, and wish to do and endure all that it takes to be together forever. Be very honest with all of your desires, motives, intentions, goals, and feelings regarding the moves you want to make.

2) Make time to discuss everything thoroughly for all the major issues at stake (job, school, finances, investments, obligations, childbirth, education of children, housing, welfare of your parents and family members, health issues etc.). Discuss all the details about resignation or retirement from your present job if you intend to stay away for a long period, and make all the necessary arrangements to ensure that you return to your job if that is what you want to do. Allow each partner (fiancée or spouse) to talk and ask all the questions on his or her mind for you to agree on answers, clarifications, modifications, deletions, and solutions.

3) Explore all that it takes to live where you are going (especially immigration papers for both of you, laws regarding work and job applications, complete cost of education, financial aid, spiritual development, available opportunities, living expenses, housing, bad and good neighborhoods, prevailing culture etc.

CAUTION: If you propose a plan that your partner sincerely (and insistently) disagrees with for genuine reasons (eg sharing accommodation in the absence of your partner with an opposite sex or with a person of same sex who is immoral or has questionable character; or marrying someone without any marital commitment but with the intent to simply obtain your residential and working papers; or using someone?s name and documents to work or enroll in school), please pause to discuss all the details and implications together, and do not proceed in the spirit of defiance, selfishness, and disunity. Your partner could be thrown into fear, guilt, doubt, suspicion, frustration, and mistrust that will damage both of you and your relationship in the finality. He or she might also see your proposal as a deceitful or callous move, impersonation, unlawful act, criminal offense that you are drawing him or her into, sinful in God?s sight, damaging of one?s conscience for life, tainting of one?s image or testimony, opening of doors for immoral practices and perpetual lifestyle of lies, and initiating processes for vulnerability to infidelity that can wreck your relationship or marriage. If you sincerely love your partner, then you must demonstrate that by having respect for his or her views and welfare, and prayerfully team up to ask God together what to do. Be very convinced that the Lord cares for you and wants you to have a successful future more than you wish for yourself. Therefore surrender your will and your plans to the Almighty God, and trust Him to answer your prayers, provide for you, keep you, and take very good care of you as you live in faith, humility, and obedience. In the end God will bless your efforts that were made in the spirit of the fear of God, and in agreement. God loves unity that is worked out in humility and wisdom.

4) Agree on what plans you need to actively and diligently pursue; which ones should be gradually embarked on without rush; and which plans should be put on hold.

5) Make very concrete financial, accommodation, education, work, and investment plans for your spouse (and children) whom you are leaving behind. If you travel and create financial hardships for your spouse and children or fiancée, you should expect disaster down the road for your relationship. Exercise extra caution before you leave your wife or child in a family home or with a friend without exploring all the circumstances involved. Some have left children with friends and exposed them to sexual and physical abuse, and left their wives and children with some relatives on in the family house to make their lives very miserable.

6) Put on paper the most important Plan A regarding when you are returning or when your partner is going to join you, if everything falls into place. Making sure things are on paper will eliminate any future accusations of broken promises, lies, misinterpretations and arguments, because you can always go back to your notes.

7) If it is courtship, agree on the time table for the marriage processes you need to go through, and time table for short-term and long-term family development plans if you are already married.

Discuss and agree on Plan B or Plan C if plan A does not work, and ensure that you are not wishfully thinking that you can violate principles and discard values in order to ?cut corners? to accomplish your purposes and expect God to bless your unlawful or unorthodox schemes.

9) Seek for expert as well as godly counseling for all aspects of your plans.

10) Agree on definite plans you are going to use to communicate effectively, cement and maintain the bond between the two of you, and jointly train the children (if married with children) plus other family members.

11) Jointly put everything before God in sincere and fervent prayers of faith, backed by obedience to God?s word, and dependence on God?s promises.

BE SINCERELY COMMITTED

Beware of simply copying what others do — the consequences may shock you and become surprisingly different, to your own failure and chagrin!

It is unfortunate (and even wicked in some instances) that some partners hide their real motives for traveling away from their mates or why they want to remain behind when it is time for the travelled partners to go back home and plan to settle together. They open the door for the flesh, people, and the devil to infiltrate their minds and hearts, and then allow their selfish and narrow-minded passions to override their love and commitment in the marriage or courtship.

Once you have promised someone that you will marry him or her then you should be serious with your commitment, and put your marriage or courtship relationship first before every other relationship and everything else you wish to personally accomplish. If you are married, you are even in a sacred position of fulfilling your marriage vows, and should never allow anything, anyone, or any conditions to destroy your marriage.

If you genuinely fear God, have the welfare of your family and society at heart, and you understand true love, essence of marriage, and importance of family life, you will not find it hard to agree with me in these analyses and affirmations, in order to prevent heartaches and tragedies that will tremendously impact your fiancée or spouse, children, other family members, and loved ones, and even affect your community and nation by the time you are leaving this world.

?Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and ALL THESE THINGS shall be added to you? (Mathew 6: 33).

?For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? ? (Mark 8: 36).

TO BE CONTINUED

Obtain more detailed information on this topic from Dr. Kisseadoo?s Book ?Challenges Of Modern Men And women In Relationships?. Tune in to JOY 99.7 FM in Accra, Ghana on Saturdays at 5:30 am ? 6:00 am (Ghana Time) or US Eastern ST 1:30 am ? 2:00 am March to Mid-October, or 12:30am ? 1:00am Mid-October to March) and listen to Dr. Kisseadoos broadcast Hope For Your Family. Access on the Internet using MYJOYONLINE.COM, and click on ?Live Radio?. Obtain Dr. Kisseadoo?s books online from: RedLeadBooks.com or Amazon.com using his name. His book ?Facing And Fighting Through The Storm? launched in June 2011 narrates the amazing encouraging testimony of God?s miraculous deliverance healing experience of Dr. Kisseadoo in 2009. Contact him in the USA (1-757-7289330) for copies of all of his 14 books, free counseling and prayer. Visit his website: www.fruitfulministriesint.com for essentials that will enrich your relationships and ministry. Call 233-20-8209567 or 233-276-322982 in Accra or 233-264-650261 in Kumasi for message CD?s, books, free counseling, prayer, and seminars. Use DrSamuel Kisseadoo to access his Wall on Facebook. Copyright Oct. 2011 Rev. Dr. Samuel A. Kisseadoo (Professor of Biology, USA. International Evangelist. Ordained Licensed Minister. Teacher, Conference Speaker). Founder and President, Fruitful Ministries International Inc. (Evangelistic Teaching Ministry). 6 Red Robin Turn, Hampton, Virginia 23669, USA. Tel.1- 757-7289330 E-mail: kisseadoo@msn.com

NEW YORK (MainStreet) — Most workers have no problem discussing their careers or even their salaries with a boss, but when it comes to talking about romantic relationships, things get awkward.